When You Get Pulled over By The Cops -My Advice?-Don't Have a *Waitress-Whistle* in Your Shirt Pocket.

Howdy,

I had This "Waitress-Whistle" in my Pocket Last night. Got pulled over coming back from a shopping trip to Wal-Mart.

Click Me!

It Seems I had crossed the Double Line after driving around one of those "Rotary" traffic circles.

Lotta Bright white light behind me -- like an Alien Space Ship landed.

Then the Carnival Colors started flashing.

So I pulled over.

The cop said, "You went over the double line back there. License, Registration, Insurance, please."

I noticed he was looking at me "Funny."

Which made me a bit nervous. Because I gave Him LAST Years insurance Card. So he had to come back to get the new one.

Still tilting his head. Looking Puzzled.

Examining me.

Pointing to my chest the cop asked, "Is that some kind of Weapon?"

Looking down I was Relieved. Forgot about my Whistle.

"No Sir. That is my "WAITRESS WHISTLE."

And I pulled it out of my shirt pocket to show him. And twenty LOTTO Tickets Spilled out.

"Oooops. Sorry. I use Lotto Tickets as Bribes."

Stuttering I said, "I Bribe Waitresses and cooks for more food."

"Ah, Let me say that a Different way. I Tip Waiters and cooks to get more food."

The Cop is Staring at me.

After about an HOUR of silence he says, "Please Step out of the Car Sir. I'd like to see that Whistle and your Lotto Tickets."

-- OH BOY. --

(EDITORS NOTE -- Have you ever tried to get out of your car with your hands up? It's Tricky.)

This next bit is a little Fuzzy.

Stress will do that -- I am told.

But I think I told THE OFFICER something like...

"OF COURSE. These are not for You Officer. I'm Not trying to Bribe YOU. I am a Vegetarian. And since the veggie sides come in those tiny little dishes. I Bribe The Waitress and the cooks to give me more food.

I carefully place my "Waitress Whistle" on the trunk of my car. And my pile of Instant Scratch Off Lotto Tickets next to it.

My hands in Plain sight.

Moving Slowly.

Not as easy as you think. Because I was 9/10ths Blinded by the Bright Lights.

The cop asked me a few more questions.

I Explained that part of Getting Better Service at Restaurants was ENTERTAINING the waiter. So I bring all kinds of goofy things When I Drive Thru or Sit Down to eat at a Restaurant.

"The WAITRESS WHISTLE brings The Cashier Running back to the Drive Thru Window.

AND

"The Lotto Tickets, "I say, "Here is a Thank You Reward for working during this Covid-19 mess."

The cop was Still giving me the SILENT TREATMENT.

But eventually. He Reminded me The whole thing was being "Recorded."

And gave me a Hint to Skedaddle.

"Sir. I will Stay Behind You to make sure You get Back on the road safely."

Yeah, right.

Did I take time to put my License back in my Wallet?

NO.

Did I pause to put my Registration and Insurance Card back in the pocket of my car?

No.

I Stuffed everything under my leg and SLOWLY drove away.

LATER.

I looked at my WARNING.

It appears What I remember MIGHT have been me Swerving over the double Line by a foot The OFFICER Typed out as,

"...Driving on the Wrong Side of the Road!"

Bureaucracy being what it is.

The Officers Assurance that -- "Your WARNING Citation will not appear on your Permanent Driving Record" TRANSLATES to, "For the Rest of Your Life Every Cop, CIA, FBI, Home Security and Fire Department Officer will SEE this on my Record.

Looking on the Bright side.

I got a good story out of it.

Thanks,

Glenn Osborn